Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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