the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
