i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You dont lie about slip and slides
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Everyone says I win the strip club
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
