i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
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