True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
