Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
