he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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