A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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