god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Do vagina's smell?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize