I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Sorry about my life...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Your penis caused this!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize