I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize