i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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