is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just google imaged poop.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
