Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
