I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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