boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
