i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
