i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
