we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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