yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
