don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
