your parents love me but you hate me
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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