Your mouth is God's brothel.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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