so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
