I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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