EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
