The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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