I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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