I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
