I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
