I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
