So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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