Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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