And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
