a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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