She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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