1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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