OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
