Just took my morning after pill in the library
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
