I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
