We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
