I like to think it a success when the cops are called
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I can't put those talents on a resume
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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