if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
