Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
