I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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