when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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