final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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