my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
