I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
