dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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