new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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