I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
