Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
