Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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