That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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