I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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