Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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