Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize