dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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