I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
