he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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