Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Randomize
