Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You may now shotgun with the bride
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
