So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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