Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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