I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I could fuck to npr.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
