Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
please come you make the beer taste better
operation have a gay friend backfired
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
