I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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