I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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