i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
