ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
