ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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