Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
