Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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