DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
