I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
