If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
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