he wants to bone in the snuggie
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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