you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
