saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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