So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
