maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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