Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
A bitchslap is in order.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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