I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I think I won the penis lottery.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
