I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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