these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
