I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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