my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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