Already got asked if we're dating
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
