How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
