so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
