So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
