A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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