he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
