this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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